Early in my career as a leader in product development, I presented at a product approval meeting in front of a hundred of my colleagues and senior leaders. My CEO challenged my ideas and strategies, and each time I came back with a quick answer. After a few rounds of challenge and solve, the CEO interrupted me: "Tres, L. I. S. T. E. N. I just want you to listen." I got it, right there in front of everyone. I was so busy proving I had the answers that I missed what was being asked of me. He just wanted the chance to talk.
That feedback stung, and it stayed with me. Years later, when I started a blogger site about listening, I wanted to reach as many humans as possible. I named it Listening for Everything instead, because I had come to believe that better listening helps everyone with everything, every time.
That time I learned a powerful, public, and painful lesson about listening.
Try this.
Think of anything at all: love, parenthood, leadership, traffic, taxes, siblings. Now think about how more effective listening could improve the outcome. If you find yourself arguing with me or struggling to make the connection, then
you might not be listening.
I have been practicing ever since, and somewhere along the way I noticed a shift. I used to be the one entertaining the room, and I started finding more joy in being entertained by other people's stories. The first thing I ever posted on that blog was the song, Resilient” by Rising Appalachia” and this quote and song still captures the spirit of that change for me.
“I close my mouth and learned to listen”
That curiosity about other people led me to the work I do today as a coach and facilitator, where listening sits at the center of everything.
Over the next three weeks, I'll share five more essays from this journey: listening to myself, the habits I slip into instead of listening, the questions that open people up, listening when I disagree, and what practice has taught me. Let's begin where my blogger site began.
