This is the last essay in the Listening for Everything series. Over the past few weeks we've looked at listening to others, listening to ourselves, the habits that get in the way, the questions that open people up, and what it takes to listen when we'd rather win. To close, I'm sharing two tools I still use and the one habit I'm still working on.
One of my listening-discipline tools - parking it on the bike rack.
When a stray thought pulls me away from the person in front of me, I park it with a word or a quick doodle and come back to it later. The thought is safe, and my attention can return to the conversation.
Bikes are hard to draw, and they take lots and lots of practice - just like listening!
The second tool came from my mom, who suggested a topic I hadn't covered: how do you listen to someone who rambles? We've all felt trapped by someone who doesn't pause for a breath, leave room for a question, or take turns. With the holidays coming, I'll share the framework I wrote for her, which spells RAMBLE.
R: Really listen with curiosity, if you can. Listening to someone who is passionate about their topic can be a gift, and they may rarely get the chance to share it with someone who cares. Notice if you've started pretending to listen, since that doesn't serve either of you.
A: Ask a closed question when you have a chance to jump in. "Which sport will your daughter play, soccer or lacrosse?" A yes, no, or factual answer can bring a topic to a close.
M: Make a physical gesture to interrupt politely. I raise a hand when I need to say something, like excusing myself to check in with my partner.
B: Be clear about your time limits.
L: Let them know this may be more detail than you can take in.
E: Engage with compassionate feedback, especially if the person has trouble taking turns or listening when you share.
Any of these is kinder than avoiding the person or fake listening.
The habit I'm still working on is not interrupting. In 2021 a Daily OM newsletter suggested trying not to interrupt anyone for a whole day, and it linked the urge to interrupt with a desire for control. That landed. Control has shown up all through this series: answering my own questions, reaching for advice, wanting to win.
Seven years after my CEO told me to L.I.S.T.E.N., I'm still practicing, and I've learned that the practice works best when it's intentional. Trying to fix every listening habit at once doesn't last. Choosing one does. So here is my invitation as the series closes: pick one habit to focus on for the next month. It might be asking "What else?", holding your advice until you're invited, parking stray thoughts on the bike rack, or letting someone else have the last word. Notice it, practice it, and when it starts to feel natural, choose the next one.
Thank you for listening along. You can find all six essays here.
And if you'd like to bring this practice to your team, I'd be glad to talk.. I’m all ears.
Which habit will you practice first?
